Free Humor Articles

Now that I?m really settled down for bad or good, I can?t help but reflect on my lengthy past as a happy-go-lucky single. How can I forget the many bizarre, crazy, and benighted times I?ve misled myself into a man?s twin loving arms, and how very much I miss loving every minute of it? How? Why, I squirm as if caught in a velvet trap?well, I could, but my husband is standing right behind me and might ask me what I?m sitting on. Yes, it?s been nothing but high misadventur...

Are you one of those people who wake up in the morning, fully refreshed and singing with happiness at the start of a bright new day? Well, most of us aren't. And frankly, we'd rather those of you who are would knock off the racket. We're trying to get a little last minute sleep before staggering off to get our morning coffee. Those final minutes in bed are golden. You know the ones I mean, the last precious moments, still snug and warm under the covers, fully awake a...

Thanks to British intelligence, with a little help from a wise and noble Muslim informer, another attack by Al-Qaeda has been foiled. And just in the turban of time. As you know, the suspects had recently received a coded message from Pakistan, where the authorities were closing in on the criminal minds, to "attack now." If our success rate at foiling Al-Qaeda?s demonic plots continues, this mad band of citizen killers may have to rename themselves Alibi. Yet our prepar...

The combative president of Iran continued to reject a resolution by Western nations that his nation stop its development of the atomic bomb for peaceful purposes, even though, through some fluke, inspectors from The International Atomic Energy Agency discovered new traces of highly enriched uranium at the bully mullah nation?s leading nuclear bomb factory. They also discovered traces of the potentially explosive material as the result of two previous flukes. But the curren...

Anybody who has wended his or her way through the linguistic excellences and frequently petulant schemers in Shakespeare?s plays longs, at some point, to say to Lady Macbeth herself, ?Out, out, damned spot!? After all, how much can anyone take of such a relentlessly scheming prod to the plot of Duncan?s uninvited demise and Macbeth?s unmotivated remorse. Perhaps Macbeth?s own murderously ambitious temperament can be traced to having to live with such a harridan. At any rat...

One would think that the number of American lives that have been sacrificed or maimed and the enormity of American treasure that has been expended in Iraq would elicit some degree of gratitude among Iraqis. But a new poll, which was done for the University of Maryland's Program on International Policy Attitudes, proves that it?s hard to be grateful when you could be blown up or otherwise assassinated at any moment. Here are a few absences of gratitude that the Bush adminis...

(Suggestion: Read The First Half of Part One First) ?What?? ?Brush burns.? ?What do you mean?? ?What are we making the skin out of, vinyl?? ?You?re right. Hey, I have it.? ?What?? ?We take an idea right off the top of their heads.? ?What?s that?? ?Hair. We put some hair down there, sort of like a cushion.? ?Long hair like they have on their heads? That might complicate things.? ?I have it. What if we make a special kind of short, fuzzy hair? F...

Many podcasts are available to subscribe to and watch in a variety of genres, and one of these is the comedy podcast. Every small scale wannabe writer has a chance to become a comedian through podcasting, since the low entry cost allows people to start podcasting with minimum effort and money. To find some of these comedy podcasters, check a podcast directory. A podcast directory is a listing of many, sometimes several thousands, of podcasts submitted and divided into categor...

Reports of Osama Bin Laden?s whereabouts took a new turn this week when a Pakistani woman reported sighting a tall man in a white robe with matching turban hit his head on a low doorway. The woman's suspicions about the identity of the man were further aroused when she noticed the entrance led to a recording studio. So as not to create suspicion, she approached him without revealing who she thought he might be. ?Are you all right?? she asked, with demur innocence. ...

Some days when we contemplate the divisive and deluded doings in DC, it helps to look away from the grandiose and revered buildings that have hosted our government since it was moved there from Philadelphia in 1800 and to contemplate the broad, green, and ever forward pushing Potomac, the generally placid river that just keeps rollin' through it. Here we see a boater speeding along, hoping the wind in his ears will clear his brain of brow-knitting complexities, while anoth...

The internet has recently bloomed with a number of places to post your funny video, creative video, or other clever home made bit of cinematography. Sites such as You Tube and Google Videos are central exchanges of funny videos and other popular video types, and there are also a number of other special purpose funny video sites that specialize in the funny video genre. The act of creating a funny video is not as simple as thinking of a few jokes or funny situations and then g...

A group that calls itself humanist terrorists was apprehended by the FBI in a preemptive strike in Miami. The terrorist cell, which claims affiliation with the Middle Atlantic terror group all-Libraries, was infiltrated by an FBI operative. The leader of the group confided to the informant that the members planned to plant explosive books in various locations throughout the United States, including the Sears Tower, a number of FBI buildings, and radical Muslim mosques. ...

With a surprising salvo of bravado, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has asked the provocative question, ?Does Iran have a right to exist?? In the startling speech, he warned Western nations, especially European ones, that they will be hurt if they continue to insist that Iran should not be wiped off the map. And, during a national radio address, he hinted, ?You should know that the rage of people is boiling hot enough to poach a dozen pigeon eggs and is like an ocean...

As if the Bush administration didn?t have enough troubles in Iraq, now there?s been a demonstration in Baghdaddy by hundreds of thousands of Shiite Muslims which featured such deeply religious themes as calls of ?Death to America!? Since it was staged in response to Israel?s attempt to stave off more terrorist events in its homeland, there were also the usual highly religious calls of ?Death to Israel!? If we did not know the calculating anti-American cleric Moktada al-...

It used to be so easy. All you needed was a thick mane of tousled auburn locks, high cheekbones and a determined little chin; add an ounce of determination and an event from your past that haunts you still. Then, wham! You were the perfect fictional heroine. But now it?s not so simple. With television shows like Grey?s Anatomy and Ally McBeal, books like Bridget Jones?s Diary and Good in Bed, and movies like Miss Congeniality and Legally Blonde, we?re getting all sorts of ...

So, time arrived for replacing the living room furniture. Grandpa and I had our same sofa, loveseat, extra chair, tables, and lamps from our thirty-five years of marriage. Still leaning toward denial, we agreed blue remains our favorite color, not one person has fallen all the way to the floor in our chair yet, and parts of the lampshades still block the view of the bare GE 100 watt lightbulbs. Besides, right before the delivery men appeared at my fingerprint-smudged storm do...

Tony Blair announced that he will step down as Prime Minister of England within a year and give up leadership of the Labor Party, which has been increasingly upset with his performance and approval ratings. What Mr. Blair did not announce is that he is just plain fed up with not being properly appreciated by his own party and nation, and he has conducted a secret poll of his popularity in the US. Dismayed, he discovered that his approval rating is higher than President Bus...

Remember nuclear blackmail? Apparently, North Korea and Iran have refined the practice into outright panhandling. Let?s indulge, with a not entirely charitable examination, this new and nettlesome version of ?Brother, Can You Spare A Dime?? Standing on the most conspicuous street corners the two beggarly brats can manage in our minds, they proffer their illicit cups in quest of alms, while they wiggle their nascent nuclear capabilities at our noses. North Korea plays Wh...

As we listen to the two principal culprits of Al-Qaeda attempt to motivate the unsuspecting to become suicidal dupes of its ideology, we cannot help but hear that their furious rhetoric is grievously flawed. We decided we might save some lives by bringing to bear on their promise of Paradise via murder the most frightening prospect a furiously brandished lie can confront: logic. Let?s begin by reviewing the fundamental values on which their provocative illogic is based: ...

It appears, scandalously enough, to be the question Islamic terrorism foists on us. Of course, there are times when a chancy question can diplomatically be allowed to slip by unanswered, especially by a humor magazine. But there are also times when, instead of slipping by, it just keeps putting itself in your face. On such occasions, apparently, the only way to deal with it for ourselves and our readers is to address it. We became even more convinced of the necessity as we...

France, casting aside its usual insistence on diplomacy, even when it?s obvious to every person who happens to be alert that it can?t work, finally grew impatient with Iran?s centrifuge-rattling behavior and launched a unilateral attack on it. As French mirage jets swooped down on Iran?s nuclear facilities and French troops launched a land assault from warships in the Persian Gulf, the United States and Britain voiced immediate objections. President Bush said, ?I just d...

European negotiators, intent on reaching a peaceful agreement with Iran about its controversial nuclear program, resorted to a tactic that has recently proven to be the most reliable way to elicit a response in much of the Muslim world. Remembering the extraordinary reaction to Danish cartoons depicting the Prophet Mohammad and, again last week, demonstrations by an Iranian Turkish minority over a new cartoon that, they think, portrays them in an unfavorable light, the Eur...

As all the world knows, Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi, the self-appointed and savage representative of Al-Qaeda in Iraq, was given a surprise sendoff last week. What no one seems to know is what happened when he met his Allah before the entrance to the paradise he and his fellow misrepresentatives of Islam?s best hopes long to be whisked away to. Fortunately, we were there. How, you might ask? When we heard that Mr. Al-Zarqawi was finally the object of his just reward, we, of co...

Bin Laden Dead Osama Bin Laden is dead. We know this for certain, because, after five years of knowing only that he had access to a tape recorder, we were bound to know at least one thing about him that is certain. We?re also as aware as we care to be that there have been previous rumors of his death. But, as we all know, when you want something to happen, at least three or four rumors seem required before one is actually true. So how do we know this one is the re...

War As Make Nice Israel?s commendable but costly military tactic Has a nation every conducted a war like the one Israel is waging against Hezbollah? Instead of the usual ?war is hell,? it?s more like an attempt to conduct war as make nice. Do we hear announcements from Israel anywhere remotely near ?we will destroy you to the last man?? No, we hear niceties like: "? terrorist elements ... are using you as human shields by launching rockets toward the state of Isr...

A male rabbit named Furball had lost all hope. The female rabbit he had lived with for an entire year had left him for another rabbit. The owner of the garden he usually dined at had just put a fence around it. A fox had nipped one of his ears. And, at his most depressed, it seemed to him that all life is mere ephemera in the eye of time. The only thing to do was bring an end to his sorrow, hunger, pain, and inability to find meaning even in a moment. He would take his own...

Noam Chomsky, the innovative linguist on the left, went from the relatively placid life of a leading scholar to a major presentation by Hugo Chavez at the UN, who held up as recommended reading one of his many books, with the hefty title, ?Hegemony or Survival: America?s Quest for Global Dominance.? Apparently, Chavez has as much influence as Oprah. The book, though published in 2003, shot to the bottom of the NY Times Bestseller List ? ten out of a possible ten, but still...

"Always metaphysical. Can we just stay with the practical stuff for now?" "Sure. Just thought I'd bring it up." "Anybody got a name suggestion?" "Well, since the whole thing is so sudden it could all kind of go bang." "Sounds reasonable. So we call it a 'bang.'" "You mean, 'The Bang.'" "Right." "That?s it? Something this big?" "OK, OK, how about 'The Big Bang'?" "Very workable. But I don?t know if it captures the romance of it all." "Only a scien...

You have got to love soap operas. From the intricate plots and finely woven webs of deceit, to the depths of schemes, they were, are and always will be classics. They are timeless. I wrote this article as my take on them back in 1970 when filling white space for our high school paper. Watch a few soap operas for the next few days and see for yourself how closely they resemble the soap operas of 36 years ago... And now for that thought provoking question that plagues men?s ...

An Islamic woman in Mogadishu finally did it: she inflicted eleven lashes on an Islamic leader for threatening to flog her for selling cannabis. To justify the intended flogging of the woman before she turned on the male who had ordered it, the rulers pointed to a passage in the Koran that forbids the sale of all drugs except aspirin and antacids. He was the fist male to receive such punishment at the hands of a woman since the fundamentalist rulers seized control of th...