Free Humor Articles

Poor Joe Lieberman ? how fallen from grace is he and in such a sudden way. Just six years ago, the Democratic candidate for Vice President, today he finds himself unable to persuade his party to reelect him to a fourth term in the Senate. And, as lousy luck would have it, he lost the Democratic primary just days before the disruption of the horrific terrorist plan to detonate ten passenger-packed planes flying between London and New York. Had that interruption happened bef...

?What a night to be at sea!? shouted brave Captain Bush into the rain-slashed, wind-whipped Middle Easter that had suddenly come upon The Good Ship USA. ?Yar, yar, ya got that right, Cap?n,? returned his faithful and once jocund first mate, Rummy, now hunkered down as he, too, braved the ceaseless wrath of the oncoming tempest. Just then yet another mountain-size wave, black as the turban of a radical Muslim cleric, upturned and dumped its chilling contents on the creak...

While The Theory of Evolution has received numerous challenges since Darwin proposed it, none seems to have taken the scientific community with such devastating surprise as the theory recently proposed by a French Chef from Bordeaux. The Chef, Andre Dumier, who operates a One Star Michelin restaurant just outside the city of Bordeaux, advanced the theory after contemplating what he considers the first requirement in the various stages of evolution ? the availability of foo...

We decided, at a reader?s request, to write about gossip and, along the way, to note what others have gossiped about it. We decided, at a reader?s request, to write about gossip and, along the way, to note what others have gossiped about it. What might one say under the influence of a confessional potion when asked, ?Why do you always talk about other people?? We imagined the reply, ?Apparently, because I have nothing much to say about myself.? Before we turn to the ...

Do you have a friend who just ?needs? a practical joke played on them? Well, I might be able to help you. These are original jokes, meaning that they have been played on or by me or my friends. Please do remember to be prudent and careful in playing these jokes on people, as you don't want to hurt anyone. 1 ? The fish at the beach I have discovered that some people have a revulsion to fish. I have also discovered that these people can also react very humorously to be...

Judging by the current national sentiment, Uncle Sam has once again wandered off the happy trails on which we?d prefer him to ride. But can we, just the usual joshing sidekick, possibly help him wend his way back through the tumbleweeds? Well, at least, we can give it a go. To begin, let's ask how the most sagely free and prosperous nation can often wander so distressingly far from the path on which we may find the preconditions of contentment, including the wide laudation...

As you have no doubt read, the country?s leading bigamist ? distinguished title, eh? ? was arrested in Las Vegas during a routine traffic stop. He had made it to the number one spot on the FBI?s list of top ten hits for marrying underage women to devout gentleman significantly older than themselves. The much marrying minister, Warren Steed Jeffs, is the proud leader of a throwback known as the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. It?s 10,000 or so me...

1. Which is NOT a fact about winter in the animal kingdom? A. Some species of domesticated dog turn white in the winter. B. Mountain goats with their luxurious 3-inch long winter coats can endure winter temperatures as low as minus 50 degrees Fahrenheit and powerful winds up to 100 mph. C. The male moose sheds its antlers every winter and grows a new set the following year. D. The weasel and the ermine are the same animal. The only difference is the brown coat of the weas...

Want to be grateful for modern medicine, despite the way it can wreck the health of your wallet? All you have to do is read about President Garfield?s medical care circa 1880 when he was shot by an assassin. The tale of woe came to our attention as the result of a new exhibit at the National Museum of Health and Medicine, located on the campus of the Walter Reed Army Medical Center. The exhibition is intended to mark the 125th anniversary of his assassination. To begin ...

One of the best parts of a vacation is the positive outlook you derive from pleasant anticipation. Another benefit is the afterglow, allowing you to feel right with the world. A general guideline I have is to live in the present and not yearn too heavily for the past or future; but making brief exceptions for things like vacations can bring some of the benefits of the vacation itself to your daily life. Thinking briefly ?Yeah that was great!? or ?I am really going to enjoy...

First, we learned to say and spell the puppet?s name: Armadinejad. Not exactly Smith. Then we watched him perform upon a crafty mullah?s knee. We have been patient, like any fair-minded audience, but the more we listen, the more we realize that the puppet has a script that just doesn?t make sense. He raises one hand and, without the mullah appearing to move his own lips, practiced ventriloquist that he is, little Armadinejad threatens to ?wipe Israel off the map? and blust...

Now that I?m settled, I must reflect on my past as a happy-go-lucky single. How can I forget the many times I?ve misled myself into a man?s loving arms, and how much I loved every minute of it? Why, I squirm as if caught in a velvet trap?well, I could, but my second husband is standing right behind me and might ask me what I?m sitting on. I loved my first husband, a wonderfully funny Jew whose parents had fled the Holocaust as kids. After a dozen roller-coaster relation...

Why is President Bush unconcerned about his approval rating, which has now sunk to 33%? He?s certain it?s at an all-time high. How does he know? He asked his ever-faithful wife. For instance, here is the transcript of a discussion with the reliable spouse that was leaked to the press by their ever-attentive dog. ?Laura, I?m feeling a little down today.? ?Why, George?? ?I guess the mood just goes with how I?m feeling about my approval rating.? ?What approval ...

An unexpected manuscript showed up in our inbox. We were immediately convinced of its authenticity and decided we had to share it with you. It was accompanied by the following note: ?Hi, there. How?s life working out? Who am I? That?s for me to know and for you to guess. Let me just say that I witnessed the invention of everything. And I kept good meeting notes. "I wanted every planet to come with an instruction manual, but my suggestion was a nonstarter. I decided the ...

In a startling announcement, President Vicente Fox of Mexico revealed that his nation has solved its immigration problem with the U. S. by requesting annexation as a province of China. As a result of its new status, a plentitude of domestic jobs will be available. He made the surprise announcement, not during his recent visit to America, but immediately upon returning to Mexico. Mexicans by the millions cheered the decision, throwing fiestas nationwide, with shouts of ?...

(Extended spoof, presented In 10 installments of 4 pages each. This is the eighth installment; previous ones are presented on this site or below each new installment at NewsLaugh.com, in case you miss one or more.) He looked at Dan critically. ?Now, I realize that you know more than most of my students about the snares of evening ? evening, when the human race seems to be most susceptible to lust, generally disguised as moonlight and romance, love, as the euphemism goes.? ...

As the FBI, operating on a tip from a prisoner who reported witnessing suspicious activity on the night of Jimmy Hoffa?s disappearance, continued to search for the former teamster leader, he was somehow still able to evade capture. Although Mr. Hoffa disappeared over fifty years ago, no sign of him or his remains have been detected, despite numerous tips of either?s possible whereabouts. Given the run-ins the teamster boss had with the FBI during the period when he was ...

Saddam Hussein, in his latest bid to escape execution for crimes against his own people, has applied to McDonald?s for a franchise. The application is widely regarded as a move by his defense team to convince the court that, if his life is spared, he will be a model citizen in the Iraq of the future. In his application, Hussein states that he has a great deal of fast-food experience from his months on the run. He also states that, if granted the franchise, he will cease an...

Pity the neglected insurgents in Iraq. Since the Israeli-Hezbollah conflict has taken center stage in the ongoing tragedy called The Triumph Over Terrorism, the war in Iraq has been relegated, even if briefly, to the wings. Obviously, the insurgents in what was once, perhaps, a nation, though subjugated by murderous tyranny, had grown used to their starring role on the world?s overly troubled stage, as the leading villains in the unfortunate tale. Malcontent with their ...

Todd, out of town on business and looking for a bit of comfort, knew he was in trouble when the topless dancer he just couldn?t say no to slipped his next twenty into her silver garter, and, with a twinkle in her green eyes, asked, ?Would you like to go to the champagne room? It?s more private in there.? Although this was Todd?s first visit to this particular club, he had been trapped into that expensive intimacy once before at another topless spot in New York and knew, le...

We have all heard tales of strange people living in Montana; the Unabomber, the freedom militias, the poor sods stuck in the Federal Witness Protection Program. I assure you the majority of people living in Montana are friendly, polite, are reasonably sane, and will go out of their way to lend a hand to strangers. Now, I am a cynical Californian transplanted in Montana. I cannot help but feel suspicious of helpful strangers. Oh, the clerk wants to volunteer the use o...

Leading deadly duffers of Hezbollah and Hamas have finally surveyed the damage that their misjudgment has inflicted on their own people, perhaps partly out of fear that these long-suffering victims might decide to terrorize them. As a result of the self-imposed reality therapy, leaders of both organizations have expressed their regrets. In fact, all the better to wail, they have vowed to build their own Wailing Wall. The source of materials for the project will be the p...

Can you think of a time when you or someone you knew heard a really funny story and then tried to tell it to someone else without evoking a single chuckle? Instead of peals of laughter, you got the old ?Guess you had to be there? response. Why is it that the exact same story is hilarious in one instance and bland in another? It all has to do with the delivery. There are many different elements that factor into making humor work. Timing, gestures and facial expressions, vocal ...

Yet another bleak new book about the end of life on the earth has emerged from the darkling presses, Cormac McCarthy?s The Road. Unnfortunately, the author skips something that has not yet occurred: the beginning of life on earth. In the book, a father and son, who are survivors of a nuclear apocalypse, walk amid the ruins of what once was supposed to be life on earth, while other marauding survivors drift by in neo-primitive regalia, practicing such unappetizing indulgenc...

Earlier reports that BP closed its Alaska pipeline due to corrosion have turned out to be erroneous. The company, noticing growing rancor that it would allow such a vital link to corrode to the point of desuetude, altered its story, saying that subsequent examination revealed that the leaks were due to a grizzly bear that ate the pipeline. While BP was initially at a loss the explain why a bear would attack a metal object, one of its more imaginative research directors not...

Vice President Cheney, upon his return from a visit to former Soviet Bloc nations, during which he criticized Russian President Putin in unusually direct, if correct, terms, found himself suffering from shortness of breath. Hesitant about consulting a doctor immediately, he performed a self-diagnosis and realized that his condition was due primarily to putting his foot in his mouth with alarming frequency. Knowing the tenuous disposition of his cardiovascular system, he de...

Due to a revolutionary procedure, an entirely new species of human is now afoot on the earth ? neither all male nor all female. And people who have undergone the procedure seem delighted. A mostly female member of the species confided, ?When you become a new species, it changes your whole outlook. I?m no longer really flamingly female or, for that matter, flamingly male. It makes me really happy. ? ?I?m an early adapter,? a mostly male person who had undergone the proce...

In the wake of the sudden death of its now fragmented leader, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, Al-Qaeda in Iraq polled its somewhat shaken members about who would like to take over Mr. Zarqawi?s job. After a determined effort, the group was able to find a terrorist who, though expressing understandable reluctance, was eventually persuaded to accept the expectedly short-lived position. The usual amateurish Webcast was quickly arranged, and the new leader, flanked by other terrorists w...

Once in a while, there?s a proliferation of new books about the junction or disjunction of science and religion. Here are seven new ones by people with distinguished scientific credentials but constrained capacities in the philosophy of religion. So we?ve added an eighth which, to us, is the book the modern world needs to heal the rift and move on from imbecilic discussion to getting something important done, like saving life before we annihilate it. Here are the first sev...

The Senate is debating whether or not guys who go by the rules of the Geneva Convention can defeat guys who torture people and shoot them in the back of the head. Even Colin Powell jumped in and said he thinks we should adhere to the Geneva Conventions in order to protect the safety of our own troops, as if the terrorists are likely to observe the rules if they get their hands on our troops. George Bush, on the other hand, thinks the Geneva Conventions ought to be as malle...